The Best List Of 50 Dad Jokes To Ever Exist

20 Best Dad Jokes / Dad Puns:

1. What genre are national anthems? Country.
2. How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor.
3. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
4. If you’re up at night while the cows are asleep in the field that means it’s pasture bedtime.
5. Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peak-a-boo accident? To the I-C-U.
6. During quarantine no one got my humor. I guess it was all the inside jokes.
7. As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know one would have been enough.”
8. I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No… It’s to look at”
9. There’s a disease that makes you uncontrollably tell airport jokes. No cure… it’s terminal.
10. My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth. He said it was acci-dental.
11.  A Central European trampolining team has recently gone bankrupt. They were bouncing Czechs.
12. Have you heard of the new sport called Quiet Tennis”? It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
13. My wife asked why I didn’t buy her flowers. To be fair, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
14. I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers!
15. Careful how many corny jokes you tell. Someone may just call the crops!
16. I talked to a poet who only wrote about wells. His stuff was deep.
17. Did you hear about the guy that evaporated? He'll be mist.
18. My wife just completed a 40 week bodybuilding program this morning. It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.
19. My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" What a weird way to start a conversation...
20. What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot.

 

Meat Dad Jokes / Meat Puns:

1. What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
2. Did you hear about the truck transporting steaks that got into a wreck? Some car T-Boned it.
3. What do astronauts eat for protein? Launch Meat.
4. What did the pepperoni say walking out of the hospital? I’m cured!
5. Which knight of the round table was the beefiest? Sir loin.
6. What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
7. Held a poker night where the buy in was a prime ribeye. I invited my brother but he said the steaks were too high.
8. One of my friends and I just get together to eat hot dogs and tell the honest truth. It’s a frank relationship.
9. In the beef army there was a soldier who always snuck up on the enemy from the left or right. He was a flank steak.
10. My sister-in-law is an archaeologist. Only person I’ve known that is excited to find a bone in her chicken.

Grilling Dad Jokes / Grilling Puns:

1. What do you call a line you wait in to buy a grill? A Barbe-Queue.
2. What does a dad get in their stocking if they’ve been naughty? Char-coal.
3. Accidentally burned dinner on the grill. Mis-steaks were made.
4. Just finished cleaning my grill. It was grate.
5. What did the exasperated man serve at his barbecue? Sheesh kabobs.
6. Do you know the most important job of a grill master at a restaurant? To please their steak holders.
7. What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich? Provolone, but only if you have it’s parmesan.
8. My neighbor got sued for a fire his grill started. He filed for an appeal when he lost and it ended up in a pellet court.
9. I told my dad he had to quit smoking. When it came to his health we just couldn’t brisket.
10. What’s the difference between a dad and a grill? A grill runs out out of gas.

Food Dad Jokes / Food Puns:

1. How fast is milk? It’s pasteurized before you know it.
2. What did the pecan say to the walnut it was chasing? I’ll cashew eventually!
3. Why are butter jokes so hard to make? Because there is no margarine for error.
4. What happens when you pinch a grape? It lets out a little whine.
5. Did you hear about the cantaloupe that went to a therapist? I guess it was feeling Meloncholy.
6. Yogurt is the most high class dairy product to buy. It’s so cultured.
7. What happened to the dating slices of bread that disappeared overnight? Turns out they e-loafed! I hope they grow mold together.
8. Which friends do you always bring to dinner? Your taste buds.
9. I catered a movie night where they watched titanic. Safe to say the iceberg lettuce wraps didn’t go over well.
10. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

 

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